Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘tits’

Just saying…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013


curvy and fat

Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Happy Marc Rudov Day!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2011


What’s up fuckers, I found this over at ScareCrow’s site. An awesome vid about feminism.  Well worth the time to check out and while you’re at it check out Marc’s site.  I’ve been listening to the radio archive section where you can hear some recent interviews about NO-mance Day, or as it should be called……Marc Rudov Day!


As ScareCrow would say…”SHOW DICK SOME RESPECT!”

The Story of Feminism–as told by WOMEN from maxtll on Vimeo.


Posted in money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

2011

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

happy-new-year

Instead of me rambling on about what I have planned for the New Year, I’d like to take the time to share what my New Year hopes and wishes are for you fuckers, because I’m that kind of guy.

  1. I hope that crazy bitch that drunk dials you but doesn’t put out loses your number.
  2. I hope that throughout the course of 2011 that you do not meet a single crazy ass bipolar bitch. (yes I know that one is a stretch)
  3. I hope someone drops off a case of whiskey at your front door and runs.
  4. I hope the price of a lap dance drops.  lap dance
  5. I hope the legalize prostitution…….ok it’s legal now, they call it marriage, but I mean the fun kind of prostitution where she actually leaves after sex.
  6. I hope Sarah Palin gives up on politics and does porn. (that’s not a political statement, I just want to see her get DP’ed)
  7. I hope that bitch you’re paying alimony to either gets remarried or falls off a cliff.
  8. I hope Maury looks at you and says “You are NOT the father!”   omfg_you_are_not_the_father
  9. I hope some drunk chick you’ve never met gives you a blow job then disappears from your life.
  10. And last but not least, I hope you get a chance to fuck a feminist up the ass and make her like it.

You are now free to have a Happy Fucking New Year!

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Too Good to be True???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 2, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Sometimes you have to take these bitches with a grain of salt.  Yes even my sarcastic ass knows that not ALL American women are fucked up, just 99.99999% of them are.  So there is a chance that I might meet one that is cool, just like there’s a chance I might win Power Ball, catch a unicorn or shit a golden turd.

So what happens when you meet that one that’s fan-fucking-tastic!!!  I mean she’s great, cool to hang with, likes your friends, and of course sucks the fucking color off your dick!  To quote the great philosopher Kenny Loggins, this is when you are in “The Danger Zone”.  This is when you can get easily distracted by her firm ass and excellent oral communication skills.

Don’t let your guard down gentlemen!  Take a step back and evaluate the situation as if you were giving advice to one of your drinking buds.   It will give you a much better picture of what you really have on your hands.  Recently, I’ve found myself in this same exact situation and when I did step back and mulled things over with my good friend Johnnie Walker here are some of the red flags that I found whipping in the wind.

Multiple kids, multiple fathers. (who don’t pay child support)
Previous “serious” relationship was abusive.
Complains about not finding any “good” men.
Radical spike in interest after learning of career path
Lots of male friends, very few female friends.
No goals, career or otherwise.  (waiting on Prince Charming)

    The list goes on, but you get the picture.  It’s easy to ignore the warning signs when someone is swallowing your load; especially when they do their best to hide them. Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to drink scotch on the rocks.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    What Are You Really Getting?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 17, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!

    When you work someplace that the majority of employees are women, you get to see and hear some things that you’d probably rather not know.  Like the woman in her mid 20s who sleeps in a separate bedroom and when her “soulmate”  wants some ass he has to pay for it with dinner and gifts.  Or how about the endless medical issues that some women have ranging from migraines to anxiety episodes??  I mean if she’s pulling this shit with her boss, imagine trying to get some pussy from her?

    Of course these women hid these behaviors BEFORE their guy signed the dotted line.  These women I’m talking about look great when you first see them.  You think, man that’s not too bad right there.  She’s HOT!  But soon you see she’s more loosely held together like a shade-tree mechanic’s old Chevy!

    Their husbands thought they were getting this…………………………….


    But what they REALLY got stuck with is this…………………….

    Talk about fucking Cash for Clunkers!  Holy Bait and Switch Batman!!!

    I have recently seen an increase in some of these so-called “classics” trying to get my attention.  I’ve even test drove a couple.  However in the back of my head, I wonder HOW MUCH ARE THE MAINTENANCE COSTS!!!!

    You are now free to listen to Tom Leykis.

    Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    The Great Escape

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

    Back on May 4th 2009, I entered my first damn post where I said I would chronicle my journey out of marriage.  Since then I have been stashing away cash, $5 here, $20 there into what I call a F U Fund.  This is because my wife and I had already separated once and got back together due to finances.  Since then, we have eliminated all joint debt and even some of our individual debt.  I needed my stash of cash because although I do have friends that would put me up if I was out in the cold, I do not have any family that I could shack up with for a few months while I got my affairs in order.  So I had to plan.


    I planned for the worse.  I planned that the day I told my wife I wanted a divorce that I’d have to leave that day.  That day came and went this week, prior I had been looking at apartments.  I knew exactly where I would go.

    However the worse did not happen.  Although I would compare my situation to the situation in the Gulf of Mexico and the BP oil spill.  The situation may seem under control now, but it could go to fuck at any minute.

    Some things did go as I planned, I was the bad guy of course and she claimed to be the perfect wife.  She claimed I was just using her and that she was the only one contributing to the marriage, blah, blah, blah.

    While I play an asshole on the internet, I do have one or two good qualities even though being civil can get you screwed over.  Currently we have agreed that this will not be a hasty, unguided split.  However, please remember the BP situation.  It could blow at any moment.  Right now the time frame for my departure is Nov-Dec.  I am still preparing for the worst.

    You are now free to move about the cabin.

    Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

    Half-Assed Happy Father’s Day

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 20, 2010


    This……….is your Captain speaking.    Welcome aboard fuckers!

    I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has logged on to their FaceBook account today to see all the Father’s Day comments only to notice the striking difference between the comments for Father’s Day and the type of comments for Mother’s Day.


    Today I saw a lot of “disclaimers” on the comments like saying that this only applies to “real men” and so on.  I saw no mention of “real women” on Mother’s Day.  I also saw a lot of bitching by women about deadbeat dads.

    Ladies, the only reason we have deadbeat dads is because you continue to have babies with deadbeats.  You also have to understand that if you try to make a guy stay with you by getting pregnant, chances are he’ll haul ass.

    Or if a condom breaks, that’s not “God’s” way of telling you to have a kid, that’s a fucking defect in the condom!!  If you decide on your own to bring that baby into the world against the guys wishes then don’t bitch when he’s not out there throwing baseballs back and forth with little waterhead.   And let’s be honest, you should know ahead of time what kind of guy you’re fucking.  Usually if you question a woman enough, she soon admits that the guy was a loser when she met him but she thought her magic vagina would change him.

    I saw numerous comments about guys getting women pregnant and leaving, well ladies you have around a dozen forms of birth control and on top of that you have morning after pills and abortion.   You can accidentally get pregnant, but there’s no such thing as an accidental birth.

    If a guy were to give women the same types of slick comments on Mother’s Day, he’d be publicly skewed!!  As Marc Rudov says, we have an 11th commandment in this country, “Thou Shall not Criticize a Woman”

    You’re now free to smoke in the bathrooms.


    Posted in Marriage, money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments »

    Listen to Your Elders

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 16, 2010


    What’s up fuckers!

    Here’s a quick hit for ya.  It’s a bit of an older clip from YouTube, but one worth repeating.  Now before you view the clip, let me quote Tom Leykis by saying that “not all women are like this.  There are exceptions to the rule, but the exceptions prove the rule.”

    So without further fucking delay, here’s The Kid from Brooklyn on staying single.

    Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

    FGOP

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers.

    Here’s a little diddy from pualingo.com about the Fat Girl Overhead Photo.  Don’t fall for this scam gentlemen!!

    “A deceptive camera angle showing a decent (or sometimes hot) picture of a girl who is actually much less attractive than she presents herself to be online.

    Coined by internet dating guru David M, the FGOP is a technique used by UGs and warpigs to make themselves look more attractive in online pictures and profiles. While it is understandable to choose the best pictures when presenting oneself online, the FGOP goes beyond just picking good pictures to outright deception: using sneaky camera angles, strategic cropping, and perspective techniques to grossly distort the attractiveness of the girl in the photo.

    Example of an FGOP”

    don't be fooled!

    Reality sucks!

    You’re now free to demand the bitch shows herself on webcam.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Why the Mistress Never Wins.

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 11, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

    Ahhh yes, the mistress.  What is a mistress?  A chick that puts out and hopefully keeps her fucking trap shut.  That’s it.  Nothing more.

    So what happens when the guy finally breaks the bonds of marriage?  Well first let’s look at who the mistress competes with while the guy is married.  The bitchy, nagging, bloated wife.  Not much competition!!  Anything looks good next to that!  It’s not like the guy can freely go out and look for other prospects, guys are often lazy when it comes to this.  If they have a chick that puts out and shuts up, that’s enough.

    However once the guy is single, now the mistress is competing against every young hot piece of ass on the market.  At this point she has developed a sense of entitlement with the guy, but what she doesn’t realize is that now she has taken the role of the nagging bitch wife.  So the guy dumps her too.

    Nothing wrong with a mistress, but ladies you need to know your fucking role.  A mistress is nothing but a handicapped booty call.  Once the bonds of marriage have been lifted, he’s going after the women he really wants to bone, and guess what…………it’s not YOU!

    You’re now free to bang young hot chicks.



    Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

     
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