Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘work out’

2011

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

happy-new-year

Instead of me rambling on about what I have planned for the New Year, I’d like to take the time to share what my New Year hopes and wishes are for you fuckers, because I’m that kind of guy.

  1. I hope that crazy bitch that drunk dials you but doesn’t put out loses your number.
  2. I hope that throughout the course of 2011 that you do not meet a single crazy ass bipolar bitch. (yes I know that one is a stretch)
  3. I hope someone drops off a case of whiskey at your front door and runs.
  4. I hope the price of a lap dance drops.  lap dance
  5. I hope the legalize prostitution…….ok it’s legal now, they call it marriage, but I mean the fun kind of prostitution where she actually leaves after sex.
  6. I hope Sarah Palin gives up on politics and does porn. (that’s not a political statement, I just want to see her get DP’ed)
  7. I hope that bitch you’re paying alimony to either gets remarried or falls off a cliff.
  8. I hope Maury looks at you and says “You are NOT the father!”   omfg_you_are_not_the_father
  9. I hope some drunk chick you’ve never met gives you a blow job then disappears from your life.
  10. And last but not least, I hope you get a chance to fuck a feminist up the ass and make her like it.

You are now free to have a Happy Fucking New Year!

Posted in women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Is She a Regular, or just in-between suckers?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 21, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers…….

As a long standing member of Gold’s gym, I have seen countless people start and eventually stop their workout habits.  I have become pretty accurate over the years of predicting how long someone will hang in there.

One interesting occurrence is how you will see certain women join the gym, you can tell that they have been neglecting trying to keep themselves up for a while.  But to their credit, they will work their fat asses off to the point where they are looking pretty bang-able.

Then they suddenly disappear.  They just stop going.  Their workout partner isn’t sure what happen, they’re just a no-show.  So one day, usually several months even a year or so later you see this overweight female who looks kinda familiar………….”but it can’t be the chick I’m thinking of” , you say to yourself.  But sure enough, it’s her.

overweight-woman-treadmill-150

She worked out long enough to reel in the next sucker, then her lazy ass quit working out.  Typical bait and switch, dog-n-pony show that American women are famous for.  You think you are getting a woman who takes pride in her appearance, then WHAM, the lazy cunt reveals her true lazy colors.

Of course, the reason is that she’s “comfortable” and you should like her for more than her body, even though it was the body that got your attention in the first place.

This is just like women who lose weight for their wedding day and then pork back up once the guy is locked into the marriage contract.  Then they wonder why the guy cheats.  Of course he’ll cheat, he feels duped and he was duped!!  He thought he was getting one thing but wound up with something completely different and fatter.

So if you see a chick in the gym or meet a women on the street or where ever, how can you tell is she really works out or is she is just between suckers and is only faking it until someone takes the bait?

One good way is to look at her shoulders and arms.  For women, these areas take a while to get nice tone, plus it requires attention to diet too.  Now I’m not saying she has to have arms like Arnold, but toned.  The fact that it takes a while to attain this toned look means that she is not one of those people who work out when things are “right”.  If she has a toned upper body then she’s been working out through thick and thin and not just when its convenient or when the planets are aligned.

woman_lifting_weights

Don’t be fooled by a nice body with no tone, unless you are in it for the short term, then it doesn’t matter, you can just tap the ass while she looks hot and kick her man-cow looking ass to the curb when she starts packing on the pounds.

You should never depend on one woman for your sexual needs, that’s one of many reasons why marriage is such a bad deal for men.

Strike while the ass is hot fellas, hump em’ and dump em’!

You’re now free to move about the gym….

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

 
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