Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘work’

I Want More Money Because I Have A Gaping Hole Between My Legs!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard you fuckers!

So this is what I hear at work today…….”I deserve a raise, this place is lucky to have me, blah, blah, I’m a stupid bitch blah, blah, blah.”

A little bastupid bitchckground on this chick:

  • Likes to leave the office early claiming she’s going to “work from home”.
  • Takes frequent mental health days.
  • Claims she knows more about the company than everyone else in the office, more than the board, more than the founders of the company, more than god.
  • Has to ask a million stupid ass questions every time she’s in a meeting just to try and show everyone how “smart” she is.

Well dear, here’s the truth, YOU are lucky that the company has kept you.  YOU are fucking lucky to even have a job since if you did get fired you’d be out on your ass without any education to back you up.  YOU might try showing the fuck up to work and staying your ever-widening ass in your fucking for a full goddamn day. 

The glass ceiling does exist, BUT it’s a self-imposed glass ceiling.  Your life is a result of your decisions girls.  If you choose to have kids in order to lock into a man’s wallet then don’t expect to be vice president or director.  People in those positions have to show up to work……….every day…………sometimes our days off (actually at this level there are no days off really).

Business is not the fucking Special Olympics, sorry Sarah Palin no free pass on this one.  Girls if you want the same results as men in the work place then you need to put in the same amount of effort.  Until then shut your goddamn tuna hole!

You’re now free to shit in the park.

beach ass

Posted in money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Tale of Two Evaluations

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 13, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers.

I’ve had something that’s been bugging the shit out of me for a couple days.  Sometimes on my job I am privy to information that just plain pisses me off!

Take two employees in the same section, one male, one female and they have the same job function.  The male missed 10 days during the year due to an accident that was not his fault.  The female was out for more than three months for a pregnancy.  This particular female was also out for the same amount of time last year for the same reason.

The male employee documented work product is well above the prescribed standards, yet because he was out for more than the “allotted” amount of sick time, his supervisor was forced to give him a review of simply “meets expectations”.  The gentleman understands that there are rules and does not have a problem with his lowered evaluation, as he put it “those are the breaks”.

What he does have a problem with is that the female employee was NOT held accountable for her time away even though her situation was a result of her own actions.  Keep in mind that this gentleman and others in her area had to take on extra work as a result of her being gone for those three months. However because of the Family Leave Act, the supervisor was not allowed to take her lack of attendance into consideration.  If he did, he would open himself and the company up to legal action.  Her documented work product barely meets the standards and she also got an evaluation of “meets expectations”.

God Bless America!  Because we’re fucked and we need some kind of divine intervention to clean up this clusterfuck.

So lets review, a woman can do just enough to get by, take a quarter of the year off and still get just as good of an evaluation as the person who had to pick up her slack when she was out of the office……….nice………really fucking nice.

Typical American entitlement whore, she craps out kids at her discretion (or lack of), and the rest of us have to pitch in!  Yes, to sweeten the pot this bitch also gets government assistance, isn’t that fucking nice.  Maybe if she rode the time clock like she rode a dick, she wouldn’t need government assistance.

But hell, what does she care, she’s not paying for it.  She doesn’t even have to show up for work!  Now she can schedule doctor appointments during the day for her little drape apes to give her yet another reason to skate out on the job.  UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!

Thanks for listening fuckers.

You are now free to punch a baby.

Posted in money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Is She a Regular, or just in-between suckers?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 21, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers…….

As a long standing member of Gold’s gym, I have seen countless people start and eventually stop their workout habits.  I have become pretty accurate over the years of predicting how long someone will hang in there.

One interesting occurrence is how you will see certain women join the gym, you can tell that they have been neglecting trying to keep themselves up for a while.  But to their credit, they will work their fat asses off to the point where they are looking pretty bang-able.

Then they suddenly disappear.  They just stop going.  Their workout partner isn’t sure what happen, they’re just a no-show.  So one day, usually several months even a year or so later you see this overweight female who looks kinda familiar………….”but it can’t be the chick I’m thinking of” , you say to yourself.  But sure enough, it’s her.

overweight-woman-treadmill-150

She worked out long enough to reel in the next sucker, then her lazy ass quit working out.  Typical bait and switch, dog-n-pony show that American women are famous for.  You think you are getting a woman who takes pride in her appearance, then WHAM, the lazy cunt reveals her true lazy colors.

Of course, the reason is that she’s “comfortable” and you should like her for more than her body, even though it was the body that got your attention in the first place.

This is just like women who lose weight for their wedding day and then pork back up once the guy is locked into the marriage contract.  Then they wonder why the guy cheats.  Of course he’ll cheat, he feels duped and he was duped!!  He thought he was getting one thing but wound up with something completely different and fatter.

So if you see a chick in the gym or meet a women on the street or where ever, how can you tell is she really works out or is she is just between suckers and is only faking it until someone takes the bait?

One good way is to look at her shoulders and arms.  For women, these areas take a while to get nice tone, plus it requires attention to diet too.  Now I’m not saying she has to have arms like Arnold, but toned.  The fact that it takes a while to attain this toned look means that she is not one of those people who work out when things are “right”.  If she has a toned upper body then she’s been working out through thick and thin and not just when its convenient or when the planets are aligned.

woman_lifting_weights

Don’t be fooled by a nice body with no tone, unless you are in it for the short term, then it doesn’t matter, you can just tap the ass while she looks hot and kick her man-cow looking ass to the curb when she starts packing on the pounds.

You should never depend on one woman for your sexual needs, that’s one of many reasons why marriage is such a bad deal for men.

Strike while the ass is hot fellas, hump em’ and dump em’!

You’re now free to move about the gym….

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

One mother is enough!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 6, 2009


This is your Captain speaking……

Where in the blue hell do women get this idea that they have to act like our mommies?

Funny how when I lived alone the garbage got taken out, laundry got done, and somehow I survived, all without the constant nagging of a woman.

Do women really dilute themselves into thinking that they are somehow a driving force? Please don’t tell me that most women buy into that crap about there being a woman behind every successful man. Having a woman behind you is more like a handicap.

As soon as a guy marries a woman she instantly wants to take credit for everything the guy has done since the day before he was born.

Sounds like they’re just trying to make up for the fact that the only thing a woman really has is her looks, and once their gone, so is their man.

Over and out………….

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

 
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